Dealing with being Single

I am single. This is a sentence that I am privileged to use everytime that someone asks me my marital status. Being an Indian and living in India all my life that statement meets with quite a few raised eyebrows. Some people are shocked, some are jealous, some smirk, some look at me down their noses..... but all have the same set of inquisitive questions which I have learned to deal with effectively without hurting anyone's sentiments un-duly.

I am not against the institution of marriage. I think it still can be one of the best relationships that two people can share and be a part of. But is being single a bad way to live one's life.... NO.

Just as married life has its advantages so does being single. But the advantages are not immediately apparent during the years when both you and your family are adjusting to the fact that you would prefer to remain single. In a country where the concept of remaining single, especially for women, is still largely un-acceptable it has been a long, hard journey.

One of the things that one has to deal with is the loneliness that one is bound to feel sometimes when one is single. The feeling cannot go away completely but can be minimised to a great extent. It depends from individual to individual how they deal with this un-wanted fact of life. Developing new hobbies is one of the ways that one can overcome it. Personally, I have dealt with it by developing my tastes in books, music and photography. Being single gives you the advantage of acheiving things in life that enriches your mind and soul early in life. One just needs to identify the advantages offered and capitalise on it. (That is not to say that married women cannot do the same..... but there are always other things that need to be done.... especially for the children... and their dreams get relegated to the background ... to be fulfilled later.)

Another thing that one has to deal with is the lack of chance of having one's own children. The concept of single motherhood has still not caught up in India. Further more, laws of adoption for single women are very difficult. Not everyone is Sushmita Sen :-) . Well... that is a void that can never be fulfilled un-fortunately. This is something that cannot be overcome in today's Indian society and we have to adjust to this fact of life ..... consider it as a consequence for the decision taken in life. It can only be minimised to a certain degree for those people who are passionate about social work involving children.

One of the tougest things to deal with are the inqusitiveness of the society.... relatives, neighbors, friends, peers. Listening to the some of the hurtful comments can really bring one's morale down sometimes..... and it takes away self esteem and self confidence with itself. This can be overcome completely by following a few simple tricks.... 1) Practice diplomacy while reacting to the sometimes hurtful comments 2) Learn to ignore ... God has given you two ears.... one to take in what is being said and one to take out what is being said.... use it 3) Don't let them bring your self esteem down... that is worst thing that you can allow to happen.

Another mis-conception that society has is that being single means completely devoid of any responsibilities. But is that really true? I do not think so. Is there any gain in fghting the mis-conception or being frustrated about it? NO. This is something that is very difficult to change and is best left alone. Life your life to the best of your ability.... thats it.

Being single in today's world has it's own set of advantages. Gone are the days when women used to think that marriage brings with itself some kind of independence. Single women these days are as independent ... or should i say... more independent than married women. Financial independence being one of the major thrusts that ensures all other kind of independence..... independence of thought, independence of action, indendence to life ones life as one wishes to live it.

Just as married life require adjustments to be made with our ownself and your spouse; being single also require adjustments and compromises to be made. So, put your best foot forward, count your blessings and smile... smile because you are single..... :-)