I was reading a random article on the internet on positive thinking/ positive attitude. One of the points that really struck me was that the author had stated in plain emphatic words one of the facts that I have ingrained as a part on my personality through the years.
One of the points mentioned by the author was that language determines your destiny. I would like to quote the author here since it has held so true in my journey:
“Your Language Determines Your Destiny. Make sure that your thoughts and words are positive. The language you use, whether spoken or not must be positive. People don't know what you're thinking but this doesn't give you permission to be inconsistent. Line up your thoughts and words with the kind of person you want to be. The language you use can either build you up or psych you out. Any negative statement can be reframed in a more positive manner. Watch out for statements that predict negative outcomes.”
It is like saying whether the glass is half empty or whether it is half full. In this context the word empty denotes negativity whereas the word full denotes positivism. Just to illustrate it a little further – instead of saying “The way you have done it is wrong. The desired objective has not been achieved.” try saying “The way you have done it has achieved some results but if we could possibly do it this way then the results would be achieved completely and speedily because of the following reasons…….” . The latter statement does not question the competence of the other person but conveys very firmly that you are not happy about the way the work has been handled and you also guide him to the correct manner by using influence instead of authority. In short, you show him the respect and he will return it…. simple.
I have tried using the latter approach in all my communications ever since and have judged for myself the change in the attitude that people have towards me. And I can gleefully state that IT WORKS. For centuries it has been said that the word is mightier than the sword. It certainly holds very true to become an emotionally intelligent positive individual. The spoken word is more powerful than the written word is as the spoken word is underlined/ enhanced by the use of body language and tone of voice. Learning a language is a power that you can equip yourself with but knowing how to use it is the key which differentiates you as a positive or a negative person.
Schooling yourself to use words in a definite form reflects your personality and allows you to achieve goals and ultimately contentment. One of the tips that can be used to school oneself into framing a positive line of thoughtful words is as follows (quoting the author again here):
“Look For The Good In Everyone You Meet And In Every Situation You Find Yourself In. I know it is harder to see in some people and in some situations but everyone has their good points and so will every situation.”
This helps. Try it out and see. It will also increase the sense of contentment and achievement that one feels.
So while building a positive attitude… mind your language.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
A Relationship called Friendship.
FRIEND for me is an acronym which means:
F – Fruits. Gifts from the Lord for the good done in this janam somewhere and somehow.
R – Rainbow. Colors of good and bad times spend together holding each other tight.
I – Ignition. Simple gestures from them can kickstart your day.
E – Endless. A journey that transcends life itself.
N – Nurture. Nature demands nurturing of friends.
D – Defense. They are our in-built defense mechanism.
We tend to use the term friend very loosely as it is the demand of our times. We land up calling too many people our friend. But if you care to notice then you would have divided your friends. There is a section of people whom you would always party with, share your good times with. They are our “good time friends”. Then there are people to whom we would go to whenever we are in a jam, for advice, for help, for simple plain scolding and often large doses of love and appreciation. These are the people whom I would actually term as a friend and these people are a very tight nucleus around you.
Is friendship then a relationship? I would say yes. It is a relationship by choice and thus is cherished more by the participating people. It is a mutual exploration of the important aspects of life. The relationship starts with a tentative exploration of likes and dislikes. No, let me revise that. The starting point is an attraction and a feeling – let me reach out and get to know a person. In short, the positive vibes between two people draw them to make the first tentative exploration which can convert itself into a life long journey.
Like any other relationship, we nurture it with love, care and pride. Some people are house proud, some are job proud and some are simply proud. I am friend proud. My friends are my “guroor”. The bond is as strong as my “guroor”.
Like any other relationship, it needs space. Every person needs space, freedom of expression and choice. You can’t be somebody’s friend by piling on and expressing your feelings.
Like any other relationship, it demands understanding. First understand the person before you expect the person to understand you.
Like any other relationship, it grows and matures. The boundaries of a friendship is constantly getting re-defined and re-fined to match your partner’s changes. Sometimes I like to compare this phenomenon with an amoeba or water. They are also constantly modifying their shape without loosing their own identity.
Like a relationship, it is governed by rules of faithfulness, integrity and inner strength. They are our in-built defense mechanism from the vagaries of this world but care should be taken as to not to take them for granted. Friendship is a blessing that does not come with “this process cannot be reversed” tag.
Like a relationship, it definitely includes large doses of love. Friendship is perhaps one of the purest expressions of love for another person. It is to a large extent based on 90% giving and 10% expectations. It is important that you know how to receive as well as give. Just giving is not good and demeans the other person in some way.
Like any other relationship, it demands quality time and attention. The quality is at its best if you can take up with a friend even after years of separation.
It is very difficult to take this thought down in one gulp that friendship is actually a relationship. Most of us have a very narrow view of relationship – it can exist only between a man and a woman. This is also supplemented by the thought - “Ladka-Ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte (Girls and boys can never be just friends)”. Like all concepts, these concepts are also beginning to change and for the good. There is a definite shift in the mentality of today’s generation and its high time that society at large accepts this. The transition process would be slow but the onus is upon us to accept the friendship relationship first. In these times of nuclear families friends attain the distinction of a close relative and we need to recognize the fact… and say Cheers!!!
F – Fruits. Gifts from the Lord for the good done in this janam somewhere and somehow.
R – Rainbow. Colors of good and bad times spend together holding each other tight.
I – Ignition. Simple gestures from them can kickstart your day.
E – Endless. A journey that transcends life itself.
N – Nurture. Nature demands nurturing of friends.
D – Defense. They are our in-built defense mechanism.
We tend to use the term friend very loosely as it is the demand of our times. We land up calling too many people our friend. But if you care to notice then you would have divided your friends. There is a section of people whom you would always party with, share your good times with. They are our “good time friends”. Then there are people to whom we would go to whenever we are in a jam, for advice, for help, for simple plain scolding and often large doses of love and appreciation. These are the people whom I would actually term as a friend and these people are a very tight nucleus around you.
Is friendship then a relationship? I would say yes. It is a relationship by choice and thus is cherished more by the participating people. It is a mutual exploration of the important aspects of life. The relationship starts with a tentative exploration of likes and dislikes. No, let me revise that. The starting point is an attraction and a feeling – let me reach out and get to know a person. In short, the positive vibes between two people draw them to make the first tentative exploration which can convert itself into a life long journey.
Like any other relationship, we nurture it with love, care and pride. Some people are house proud, some are job proud and some are simply proud. I am friend proud. My friends are my “guroor”. The bond is as strong as my “guroor”.
Like any other relationship, it needs space. Every person needs space, freedom of expression and choice. You can’t be somebody’s friend by piling on and expressing your feelings.
Like any other relationship, it demands understanding. First understand the person before you expect the person to understand you.
Like any other relationship, it grows and matures. The boundaries of a friendship is constantly getting re-defined and re-fined to match your partner’s changes. Sometimes I like to compare this phenomenon with an amoeba or water. They are also constantly modifying their shape without loosing their own identity.
Like a relationship, it is governed by rules of faithfulness, integrity and inner strength. They are our in-built defense mechanism from the vagaries of this world but care should be taken as to not to take them for granted. Friendship is a blessing that does not come with “this process cannot be reversed” tag.
Like a relationship, it definitely includes large doses of love. Friendship is perhaps one of the purest expressions of love for another person. It is to a large extent based on 90% giving and 10% expectations. It is important that you know how to receive as well as give. Just giving is not good and demeans the other person in some way.
Like any other relationship, it demands quality time and attention. The quality is at its best if you can take up with a friend even after years of separation.
It is very difficult to take this thought down in one gulp that friendship is actually a relationship. Most of us have a very narrow view of relationship – it can exist only between a man and a woman. This is also supplemented by the thought - “Ladka-Ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte (Girls and boys can never be just friends)”. Like all concepts, these concepts are also beginning to change and for the good. There is a definite shift in the mentality of today’s generation and its high time that society at large accepts this. The transition process would be slow but the onus is upon us to accept the friendship relationship first. In these times of nuclear families friends attain the distinction of a close relative and we need to recognize the fact… and say Cheers!!!
A Long Long Time...
Hi Friends,
It has been a long time since I have written anything for my blogspot. Being busy is no excuse. And I am not going to make any attempt to justify my lack of attention. I can onlypromise that I would write at least one article per week to express my thoughts. You also can agree or disagree with my viewpoint by leaving comments for the article.
So after a long hiatus, I am making a small attempt to understand what a freind stands for. So, the next article is for all of you out there.
It has been a long time since I have written anything for my blogspot. Being busy is no excuse. And I am not going to make any attempt to justify my lack of attention. I can onlypromise that I would write at least one article per week to express my thoughts. You also can agree or disagree with my viewpoint by leaving comments for the article.
So after a long hiatus, I am making a small attempt to understand what a freind stands for. So, the next article is for all of you out there.
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