Found this to be a good collection of inspirational quotes. And thought about sharing it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEqdr_Awdak
Hope some quotes hold some meaning for you.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Jealousy - Is it completely a negative emotion?
Inspite of being aware of the fact that the topic that has been chosen is a very controversial one and that most of my other learned friends would say that jealousy is a very negative emotion, I would like to present a very different viewpoint on one of the most talked about and felt emotion among humans – jealousy.
It is an un-refuted fact that jealousy is a very negative emotion. It can twist someone’s psyche to a great degree and persons affected by severe bouts of jealousy are known to inflict harm on fellow human beings. Some very bizarre incidents have known and reported which have been caused by jealousy and history vouches for the fact that it also been instrumental in providing enough motivation to commit crimes. And it will continue to provide it. But these represent the extreme end of the emotion. This extremity has been hyped so much due to its highly visible effects. But everyone will agree that anything in extremes is bad.
In moderation jealousy can be a interpreted very positively and can give rise to ‘healthy competition’ between peers. Instead of it providing the motivation to commit wrong against fellow human beings, it can be very easily be used providing the motivation to do things which have a positive impact on one’s life. Simply put, what I am saying is that instead of using your energies to bring the person you are jealous of down and malign his name; use the energy for setting milestones for your own self and improving yourself to such a degree that you attain the characteristics of the other person – partially or fully. Instead of looking negative points of the person whom you are jealous of and criticizing him, turn him into a role model…. better still make him a mentor. And work towards attaining the characteristics yourself. Instead of competing with him, compete with yourself to strive to imbibe the characteristics of the person whom you are jealous of. So, for a change, imbibe the positive characteristics from your peers instead of the negative ones.
It is not an easy task to do so. But is it impossible – Definitely Not. One of the things that will assist you in doing so is to recognize the fact that there are certain things that are completely outside our circle of influence and hence can change only with time. So working within this limitation, attempt to explore yourself fully; know what is feasible and what is not; accept and come to terms with the facts of life. Be at peace with yourself to work towards and achieve the changes that are desired. It will be more fulfilling and rewarding. And it will promote contentment within yourself too.
And most imperatively, recognize the fact that you are different from everyone else and have varying degrees of strengths and weaknesses and are faced with different circumstances in life…. so what you achieve in life has to be the best given the circumstances that you face. Extreme jealousy will not and does not change the facts of life……..
It is an un-refuted fact that jealousy is a very negative emotion. It can twist someone’s psyche to a great degree and persons affected by severe bouts of jealousy are known to inflict harm on fellow human beings. Some very bizarre incidents have known and reported which have been caused by jealousy and history vouches for the fact that it also been instrumental in providing enough motivation to commit crimes. And it will continue to provide it. But these represent the extreme end of the emotion. This extremity has been hyped so much due to its highly visible effects. But everyone will agree that anything in extremes is bad.
In moderation jealousy can be a interpreted very positively and can give rise to ‘healthy competition’ between peers. Instead of it providing the motivation to commit wrong against fellow human beings, it can be very easily be used providing the motivation to do things which have a positive impact on one’s life. Simply put, what I am saying is that instead of using your energies to bring the person you are jealous of down and malign his name; use the energy for setting milestones for your own self and improving yourself to such a degree that you attain the characteristics of the other person – partially or fully. Instead of looking negative points of the person whom you are jealous of and criticizing him, turn him into a role model…. better still make him a mentor. And work towards attaining the characteristics yourself. Instead of competing with him, compete with yourself to strive to imbibe the characteristics of the person whom you are jealous of. So, for a change, imbibe the positive characteristics from your peers instead of the negative ones.
It is not an easy task to do so. But is it impossible – Definitely Not. One of the things that will assist you in doing so is to recognize the fact that there are certain things that are completely outside our circle of influence and hence can change only with time. So working within this limitation, attempt to explore yourself fully; know what is feasible and what is not; accept and come to terms with the facts of life. Be at peace with yourself to work towards and achieve the changes that are desired. It will be more fulfilling and rewarding. And it will promote contentment within yourself too.
And most imperatively, recognize the fact that you are different from everyone else and have varying degrees of strengths and weaknesses and are faced with different circumstances in life…. so what you achieve in life has to be the best given the circumstances that you face. Extreme jealousy will not and does not change the facts of life……..
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Listening is a fine art... Cultivate It
Another ingredient which is mandatory for the recipe of being a success in life is Listening. I have not been a good listener for a very long time and have made quite a few blunders in my professional and personal life because of this disgusting habit. Appreciation of this art had been compelling me to write about the skill for a long time but for once I did not know how to put my thoughts across in a clear and concise manner. As luck would have it I hit upon an article written by Craig Harrison which outlines the importance of cultivating the art. Here it is....
“So much attention is focused on what to say and how to say it. In speeches, debates and conversation, we are obsessed with our message and how to express ourselves.
“So much attention is focused on what to say and how to say it. In speeches, debates and conversation, we are obsessed with our message and how to express ourselves.
Sometimes, this focus obscures our listening. This month we focus on listening skills as key to our success as communicators, leaders, servers and as human beings. Any discussion on the importance of listening -- vis-à-vis speaking -- should acknowledge the fact that we were born with two ears and just one mouth. The implication: we should listen twice as much as we speak!
Believe it or not, Listening is a learned skill. While we are blessed with ears to hear with, listening is more than just hearing. Listening involves an active engagement. By definition Listening means: "applying oneself to hearing something"
DID YOU KNOW...? Here are some facts about listening, courtesy of colleague Louisa Rogers, Louisa Rogers Communications, in Eureka, CA mailto:louisarogers7@yahoo.com:
1. All communication is received ... but 70-90% of the data is screened out or altered by the receiver. So what you say is NOT necessarily what the listener gets.
2. Listening is (incorrectly) not perceived as powerful by most people.
3. We have a strong cultural tendency to tune out. Our minds go forward (What do I say next? How do I defend myself? What shall I have for lunch?), or in reverse (Did I turn the car lights off? Did I get an e-mail back from...?).
4. Rates of speaking / listening: We listen at 1,000-1,200 words a minute. We speak at 300 words a minute. Thus, our minds wander.
Based on Louisa's findings I believe the following:
where there's a will, there are ways to become a better listener. DON'T JUST DO SOMETHING...LISTEN! Alas, we can become better listeners once we set our mind and ears to it.
1. Vow to become a better listener.
2. Monitor your own listening: where do you follow the speaker and where do you tune out? Analyze for yourself why it is you tune out where you do.
3. Suspend judgment when you listen, focusing instead on comprehension. Many times we immerse ourselves in our own analysis of what is heard: do I agree or disagree? Focus instead on comprehension.
4. Listen for the meta-message: the message within the message. Sometimes what people AREN'T saying is also insightful. Listen between the lines.
5. Become an Active Listener: listen with your ears, mind, head and heart. Concentrate on listening as if you will be tested on what this person has said and need to share it with a class of strangers. Can you do it?
6. Active listening involves not only following along with the speaker, but letting him or her know you are tracking their message. Use nods, gestures and utterances to convey comprehension or confusion, so they receive feedback you are with them, or not. A furrowed brow, a tilt of the head or squinting signals to them you are confused. A nod, a smile or other gestures indicates understanding.
7. Remember that confirming understanding doesn't imply concordance. Confirming your comprehension of one's communication doesn't automatically mean you agree with everything.
8. Short phrases are useful to your listener. Saying "I see" "yep" "uh-huh!" "hmmm" conveys understanding. Phrases like "huh?" "I'm not sure I understand" "what do you mean?" "please elucidate" let the listener know you are hazy about their meaning.
9. A great way to confirm for your listener and yourself that you understand is to periodically paraphrase or replay what you believe you heard. It's a reality check that allows you both to continue with confidence.
Whether you are brokering peace in the Middle East or a squabble with a family member at the dinner table, I find wisdom in Steven Covey's proscription to "seek first to understand, then to be understood."
So hang out your "Hear Here" sign, follow this sound advice and listen for success!”
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Lessons Life Teaches - I
Any executive working in any type of service industry learns that there are certain business etiquettes to follow to keep the customers satisfied which ensures a long, happy and prosperous career. Years of study and hard work does not ensure that we start off our professional lives with ease. Neither does it ensure that working according to our learned behavior would ensure continued professional life.
Being in the service industry requires the individual to have a very high ‘learn ability’ factor to start and survive in the industry. Obviously some of the behavior is gained through osmosis peers and leaders in the trade. But we consider ourselves lucky to be able to attend knowledge transfer workshops conducted by the best in the business. Business houses spend quite a bit of money to make all of us ‘customer savvy’. There have been proper disciplines established in the course of many years and there are specialized institutes that teach us these skills – skills that we have to willingly or un-willingly learn in order to survive in the industry.
After attending one such session I was enthusiastically telling my father as to what I have learned. In summary, I told him the following things are necessary to achieve a high degree of customer satisfaction:
1) ‘LISTEN’ to what the customer has to say. He might tell you what all he has already tried out and failed. This would reduce the time that you take to resolve the issue.
2) Be ‘EMPATHETIC’ instead of ‘SYMPATHETIC’
3) Follow up to ensure that the issue has been resolved in its totality. This guarantees customer satisfaction.
4) Put forward suggestions to the customer, where ever applicable, to prevent future occurrences of the issue.
Both of us had a long and fruitful discussion on the topic which left me completely satisfied and contented in the fact that I have learnt something useful that day. While we were having our discussion, we were being interrupted by our regular mason who had just finished renovating our home. He had come again to address a complaint lodged by my father for the newly installed taps. He ‘listened’ to what my father had to say and gathered more information by asking a couple of pointed questions to my father. He was able to give us a solution almost immediately but wanted the taps to be turned off for the day. He showed enough ‘empathetic behavior’ for us to actually agree to the inconvenience of dry taps for the entire day. He called the plumber himself, instructed him and left. He returned in the evening again to ‘follow up’ whether the problem had been resolved now. He also made ‘additional suggestions’ in order to avoid such an issue again.
The following day, as I sat in a reflective mood, I realized that the mason had demonstrated all of the qualities of an effective executive in the service industry – listen, empathize, follow-up, suggest. I had a practical demonstration of the theory learned in an expensive class from a guy who was educated enough only to sign his name, had never been to college, did not hold a white collar job nor did he attend any high end knowledge transfer workshop. Yet he had the wisdom – wisdom that he would pass to his children without spending a penny.
Additionally, I realized that although I have more degrees beside my name than him, yet I can learn a lot from him about surviving in the cut throat service industry. It is a very humbling realization and I am proud to admit that life teaches its lessons via un-expected sources and it is all the more important to remain simple and humble for continued success.
Being in the service industry requires the individual to have a very high ‘learn ability’ factor to start and survive in the industry. Obviously some of the behavior is gained through osmosis peers and leaders in the trade. But we consider ourselves lucky to be able to attend knowledge transfer workshops conducted by the best in the business. Business houses spend quite a bit of money to make all of us ‘customer savvy’. There have been proper disciplines established in the course of many years and there are specialized institutes that teach us these skills – skills that we have to willingly or un-willingly learn in order to survive in the industry.
After attending one such session I was enthusiastically telling my father as to what I have learned. In summary, I told him the following things are necessary to achieve a high degree of customer satisfaction:
1) ‘LISTEN’ to what the customer has to say. He might tell you what all he has already tried out and failed. This would reduce the time that you take to resolve the issue.
2) Be ‘EMPATHETIC’ instead of ‘SYMPATHETIC’
3) Follow up to ensure that the issue has been resolved in its totality. This guarantees customer satisfaction.
4) Put forward suggestions to the customer, where ever applicable, to prevent future occurrences of the issue.
Both of us had a long and fruitful discussion on the topic which left me completely satisfied and contented in the fact that I have learnt something useful that day. While we were having our discussion, we were being interrupted by our regular mason who had just finished renovating our home. He had come again to address a complaint lodged by my father for the newly installed taps. He ‘listened’ to what my father had to say and gathered more information by asking a couple of pointed questions to my father. He was able to give us a solution almost immediately but wanted the taps to be turned off for the day. He showed enough ‘empathetic behavior’ for us to actually agree to the inconvenience of dry taps for the entire day. He called the plumber himself, instructed him and left. He returned in the evening again to ‘follow up’ whether the problem had been resolved now. He also made ‘additional suggestions’ in order to avoid such an issue again.
The following day, as I sat in a reflective mood, I realized that the mason had demonstrated all of the qualities of an effective executive in the service industry – listen, empathize, follow-up, suggest. I had a practical demonstration of the theory learned in an expensive class from a guy who was educated enough only to sign his name, had never been to college, did not hold a white collar job nor did he attend any high end knowledge transfer workshop. Yet he had the wisdom – wisdom that he would pass to his children without spending a penny.
Additionally, I realized that although I have more degrees beside my name than him, yet I can learn a lot from him about surviving in the cut throat service industry. It is a very humbling realization and I am proud to admit that life teaches its lessons via un-expected sources and it is all the more important to remain simple and humble for continued success.
Overcoming Negative Attitude
In the various posts in this blog it has been repeatedly pointed out that attitude towards life makes all the difference between being successful and un-successful. So I thought it good to pen down some of my thoughts on attitude starting with how you recognize whether the attitude that you show is a positive one or a negative one.
Knowing and accepting that you have a negative attitude is a tough task. All of us are very conditioned to the kind of attitude that we display towards various situations in life. We take it for granted that it is ‘the’ positive thing to do. Our attitude is a skin that we wear which has been stitched by our peers, family, culture and tradition. So identifying that we have things that we can change within our own self to lead a better life is not easy. The only way one can do it is when one is exposed to a different attitude altogether. All you need to do is appreciate a good attitude when you see it, recognize the fact that you need to change your own attitude, and be open to change it.
There are many things that characterize a negative behavior like inability to take responsibility of one’s own action; blaming others when things go wrong; procrastination; inability to deal with stress; inability to deal with situations conclusively; having a complaining nature; negative thinking; self pity; depression etc. One of the best gifts that you can give your own-self is to recognize the truth about the kind of attitude that you have and be willing to change it.
People with positive attitude are happier, more contented, have a solution to any challenge that they face, generally lead a more fulfilling professional and personal life, are great doers and thinkers; have the ability to take a lot of responsibility for situations in life and lead them to a fruitful conclusion. Merely by the attitude that they adopt they cut out the stress not only for themselves but also for others who are associated with them.
One of the easiest things that you can follow is to stop negative self talk. Negative self talk becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and the world acts according to the negative image that you project to the world.
Another one is to recognize and avoid negative situations and persons. It might prove to be a challenge to turn a negative situation into a positive one to suit your own changing outlook towards life. But it might not be easy to change individuals whom you pinpoint as negative people….remember you have had first hand experience in identifying negative characteristics in you own self. Extend the same analysis to others to enable you to take corrective action and avoid stressful situation.
Avoiding stressful situation comes as a bonus when you avoid negative people. Eliminating or minimizing stress from a situation automatically enables you to deal with the situation in a better manner and arrive at a conclusive result.
Once you have taken the responsibility to change you own attitude, taking responsibility of other situations on your life and your behavior towards them is a natural progression. It only takes a little time and effort from your side.
The above things that I have discussed have been tried out first hand on my own self and have achieved very good results. I would be happy if my experiences in life contribute a little towards making your life a little happier or contented.
Best of Luck!!!!!
Knowing and accepting that you have a negative attitude is a tough task. All of us are very conditioned to the kind of attitude that we display towards various situations in life. We take it for granted that it is ‘the’ positive thing to do. Our attitude is a skin that we wear which has been stitched by our peers, family, culture and tradition. So identifying that we have things that we can change within our own self to lead a better life is not easy. The only way one can do it is when one is exposed to a different attitude altogether. All you need to do is appreciate a good attitude when you see it, recognize the fact that you need to change your own attitude, and be open to change it.
There are many things that characterize a negative behavior like inability to take responsibility of one’s own action; blaming others when things go wrong; procrastination; inability to deal with stress; inability to deal with situations conclusively; having a complaining nature; negative thinking; self pity; depression etc. One of the best gifts that you can give your own-self is to recognize the truth about the kind of attitude that you have and be willing to change it.
People with positive attitude are happier, more contented, have a solution to any challenge that they face, generally lead a more fulfilling professional and personal life, are great doers and thinkers; have the ability to take a lot of responsibility for situations in life and lead them to a fruitful conclusion. Merely by the attitude that they adopt they cut out the stress not only for themselves but also for others who are associated with them.
One of the easiest things that you can follow is to stop negative self talk. Negative self talk becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and the world acts according to the negative image that you project to the world.
Another one is to recognize and avoid negative situations and persons. It might prove to be a challenge to turn a negative situation into a positive one to suit your own changing outlook towards life. But it might not be easy to change individuals whom you pinpoint as negative people….remember you have had first hand experience in identifying negative characteristics in you own self. Extend the same analysis to others to enable you to take corrective action and avoid stressful situation.
Avoiding stressful situation comes as a bonus when you avoid negative people. Eliminating or minimizing stress from a situation automatically enables you to deal with the situation in a better manner and arrive at a conclusive result.
Once you have taken the responsibility to change you own attitude, taking responsibility of other situations on your life and your behavior towards them is a natural progression. It only takes a little time and effort from your side.
The above things that I have discussed have been tried out first hand on my own self and have achieved very good results. I would be happy if my experiences in life contribute a little towards making your life a little happier or contented.
Best of Luck!!!!!
Simplicity and Humility - Best friends of Success
Through personal experiences I have found that Success is more meaningful if it goes hand in hand with simplicity and humility. Being successful leads to confidence in self but if it is without the humility factor then it is arrogance. Humility does not mean demeaning oneself through actions or words but it is a quiet acceptance of the success achieved.It is also arguably true that it is important to blow your own trumpet to highlight your achevemnets to make others sit up and notice. This is unfortunately a repeated activity as it has a short lifespan. Letting others blow your trumpet makes sure that the sound is carried far and for long.
Humility is often clubbed up with simplicity. Simplicity is a very sujective term. How much simple makes up for the simplicity factor? The President of a country can lead a simple life, so can a commoner but the quantum of simplicity is varied. Let me restrict myself to define simplicity in terms of action and behaviour. In short, simplicity does not mean that one is a simpleton, although the person is very popularly called just that.
Most people have a tendency to ride very very high on the small success that they achieve. I knew a Manager once who was on his first job. He was out canvasing for some courses offered by an Educational Institute with 2 more co-workers, junior in positon than him. They were supposed to stick posters on the walls and hand pamphlets to the passers by. He stood at a little distance and did not participate in the activity at all. The reason was that he was an MBA and it was below his dignity to do something like that. This behaviour earned him a lot of disrespect from his co-workers and a lot of ribbing. Active participation would have had the opposite effect. It made me wonder what they person was thinking about;an educational degree does not gaurantee any respect or responsibility delegation. In fact education contributes to only 15% of the entire success story of life. The rest 85% is just attitude.
In contrast to this, I had an oppurtunity to work under another manager with 10 years of experience who would help carry equipment from one place to another alongside the peons and guards without a thought and go down on his hands and feet to make sure that all the connections are properly made. This characteristic made him one of the most economical person around. Whenever we need to go somewhere, then he would simply load all the equipment in his vechicle and the two of us would set off, sure that we could be able to carry the entire load ourselves if we did not get any help. This fact also made us more reliable and more work got delegated to us by the OEMs. When the people at the OEM level were still grappling with the beginings of Plan B of a project in case of failure of Plan A, we were delegated the entire work by their Regional Head and we successfully executed Plan B in 15 hours.This reflects simplicity of our actions as we were doing the 'menial jobs of peons, porters and guards'. This simplicity reflects our humility because we did not put our professional positions before us and worked just to get the things done without much hassle. Is it really downgrading of self or is it making the people standing around realize the dignity of labour? We have often found people stepping up to us to help us after we have initiated the process.
Being humble is one of the cornerstones of achieving and maintaining your success. Most people make the mistake of thinking that it is easy to push around people who are simple and humble. They dont stop taking advantage of the fact, forgetting one thing that the doer learns the fastest and the best. It expands the bag of experiences further. And ultimately this would help us to push ahead of the crowd.
This journey of life has made me respect these two qualities so much that I never think of even swapping them with any other quality. I wont say that success is complete because achieving one success makes you hungry for yet another success. The process is an ongoing one. There is no greater attraction than a successful person. Humility keeps you popular and Arrogance ultimately alienates you. Is it easy being successful and arrogant - probably yes. Is it easy being successful and humble - definately yes; you just got to try. As I always maintain, your attitude make all the difference.
Humility is often clubbed up with simplicity. Simplicity is a very sujective term. How much simple makes up for the simplicity factor? The President of a country can lead a simple life, so can a commoner but the quantum of simplicity is varied. Let me restrict myself to define simplicity in terms of action and behaviour. In short, simplicity does not mean that one is a simpleton, although the person is very popularly called just that.
Most people have a tendency to ride very very high on the small success that they achieve. I knew a Manager once who was on his first job. He was out canvasing for some courses offered by an Educational Institute with 2 more co-workers, junior in positon than him. They were supposed to stick posters on the walls and hand pamphlets to the passers by. He stood at a little distance and did not participate in the activity at all. The reason was that he was an MBA and it was below his dignity to do something like that. This behaviour earned him a lot of disrespect from his co-workers and a lot of ribbing. Active participation would have had the opposite effect. It made me wonder what they person was thinking about;an educational degree does not gaurantee any respect or responsibility delegation. In fact education contributes to only 15% of the entire success story of life. The rest 85% is just attitude.
In contrast to this, I had an oppurtunity to work under another manager with 10 years of experience who would help carry equipment from one place to another alongside the peons and guards without a thought and go down on his hands and feet to make sure that all the connections are properly made. This characteristic made him one of the most economical person around. Whenever we need to go somewhere, then he would simply load all the equipment in his vechicle and the two of us would set off, sure that we could be able to carry the entire load ourselves if we did not get any help. This fact also made us more reliable and more work got delegated to us by the OEMs. When the people at the OEM level were still grappling with the beginings of Plan B of a project in case of failure of Plan A, we were delegated the entire work by their Regional Head and we successfully executed Plan B in 15 hours.This reflects simplicity of our actions as we were doing the 'menial jobs of peons, porters and guards'. This simplicity reflects our humility because we did not put our professional positions before us and worked just to get the things done without much hassle. Is it really downgrading of self or is it making the people standing around realize the dignity of labour? We have often found people stepping up to us to help us after we have initiated the process.
Being humble is one of the cornerstones of achieving and maintaining your success. Most people make the mistake of thinking that it is easy to push around people who are simple and humble. They dont stop taking advantage of the fact, forgetting one thing that the doer learns the fastest and the best. It expands the bag of experiences further. And ultimately this would help us to push ahead of the crowd.
This journey of life has made me respect these two qualities so much that I never think of even swapping them with any other quality. I wont say that success is complete because achieving one success makes you hungry for yet another success. The process is an ongoing one. There is no greater attraction than a successful person. Humility keeps you popular and Arrogance ultimately alienates you. Is it easy being successful and arrogant - probably yes. Is it easy being successful and humble - definately yes; you just got to try. As I always maintain, your attitude make all the difference.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
The Difference is the Language
I was reading a random article on the internet on positive thinking/ positive attitude. One of the points that really struck me was that the author had stated in plain emphatic words one of the facts that I have ingrained as a part on my personality through the years.
One of the points mentioned by the author was that language determines your destiny. I would like to quote the author here since it has held so true in my journey:
“Your Language Determines Your Destiny. Make sure that your thoughts and words are positive. The language you use, whether spoken or not must be positive. People don't know what you're thinking but this doesn't give you permission to be inconsistent. Line up your thoughts and words with the kind of person you want to be. The language you use can either build you up or psych you out. Any negative statement can be reframed in a more positive manner. Watch out for statements that predict negative outcomes.”
It is like saying whether the glass is half empty or whether it is half full. In this context the word empty denotes negativity whereas the word full denotes positivism. Just to illustrate it a little further – instead of saying “The way you have done it is wrong. The desired objective has not been achieved.” try saying “The way you have done it has achieved some results but if we could possibly do it this way then the results would be achieved completely and speedily because of the following reasons…….” . The latter statement does not question the competence of the other person but conveys very firmly that you are not happy about the way the work has been handled and you also guide him to the correct manner by using influence instead of authority. In short, you show him the respect and he will return it…. simple.
I have tried using the latter approach in all my communications ever since and have judged for myself the change in the attitude that people have towards me. And I can gleefully state that IT WORKS. For centuries it has been said that the word is mightier than the sword. It certainly holds very true to become an emotionally intelligent positive individual. The spoken word is more powerful than the written word is as the spoken word is underlined/ enhanced by the use of body language and tone of voice. Learning a language is a power that you can equip yourself with but knowing how to use it is the key which differentiates you as a positive or a negative person.
Schooling yourself to use words in a definite form reflects your personality and allows you to achieve goals and ultimately contentment. One of the tips that can be used to school oneself into framing a positive line of thoughtful words is as follows (quoting the author again here):
“Look For The Good In Everyone You Meet And In Every Situation You Find Yourself In. I know it is harder to see in some people and in some situations but everyone has their good points and so will every situation.”
This helps. Try it out and see. It will also increase the sense of contentment and achievement that one feels.
So while building a positive attitude… mind your language.
One of the points mentioned by the author was that language determines your destiny. I would like to quote the author here since it has held so true in my journey:
“Your Language Determines Your Destiny. Make sure that your thoughts and words are positive. The language you use, whether spoken or not must be positive. People don't know what you're thinking but this doesn't give you permission to be inconsistent. Line up your thoughts and words with the kind of person you want to be. The language you use can either build you up or psych you out. Any negative statement can be reframed in a more positive manner. Watch out for statements that predict negative outcomes.”
It is like saying whether the glass is half empty or whether it is half full. In this context the word empty denotes negativity whereas the word full denotes positivism. Just to illustrate it a little further – instead of saying “The way you have done it is wrong. The desired objective has not been achieved.” try saying “The way you have done it has achieved some results but if we could possibly do it this way then the results would be achieved completely and speedily because of the following reasons…….” . The latter statement does not question the competence of the other person but conveys very firmly that you are not happy about the way the work has been handled and you also guide him to the correct manner by using influence instead of authority. In short, you show him the respect and he will return it…. simple.
I have tried using the latter approach in all my communications ever since and have judged for myself the change in the attitude that people have towards me. And I can gleefully state that IT WORKS. For centuries it has been said that the word is mightier than the sword. It certainly holds very true to become an emotionally intelligent positive individual. The spoken word is more powerful than the written word is as the spoken word is underlined/ enhanced by the use of body language and tone of voice. Learning a language is a power that you can equip yourself with but knowing how to use it is the key which differentiates you as a positive or a negative person.
Schooling yourself to use words in a definite form reflects your personality and allows you to achieve goals and ultimately contentment. One of the tips that can be used to school oneself into framing a positive line of thoughtful words is as follows (quoting the author again here):
“Look For The Good In Everyone You Meet And In Every Situation You Find Yourself In. I know it is harder to see in some people and in some situations but everyone has their good points and so will every situation.”
This helps. Try it out and see. It will also increase the sense of contentment and achievement that one feels.
So while building a positive attitude… mind your language.
A Relationship called Friendship.
FRIEND for me is an acronym which means:
F – Fruits. Gifts from the Lord for the good done in this janam somewhere and somehow.
R – Rainbow. Colors of good and bad times spend together holding each other tight.
I – Ignition. Simple gestures from them can kickstart your day.
E – Endless. A journey that transcends life itself.
N – Nurture. Nature demands nurturing of friends.
D – Defense. They are our in-built defense mechanism.
We tend to use the term friend very loosely as it is the demand of our times. We land up calling too many people our friend. But if you care to notice then you would have divided your friends. There is a section of people whom you would always party with, share your good times with. They are our “good time friends”. Then there are people to whom we would go to whenever we are in a jam, for advice, for help, for simple plain scolding and often large doses of love and appreciation. These are the people whom I would actually term as a friend and these people are a very tight nucleus around you.
Is friendship then a relationship? I would say yes. It is a relationship by choice and thus is cherished more by the participating people. It is a mutual exploration of the important aspects of life. The relationship starts with a tentative exploration of likes and dislikes. No, let me revise that. The starting point is an attraction and a feeling – let me reach out and get to know a person. In short, the positive vibes between two people draw them to make the first tentative exploration which can convert itself into a life long journey.
Like any other relationship, we nurture it with love, care and pride. Some people are house proud, some are job proud and some are simply proud. I am friend proud. My friends are my “guroor”. The bond is as strong as my “guroor”.
Like any other relationship, it needs space. Every person needs space, freedom of expression and choice. You can’t be somebody’s friend by piling on and expressing your feelings.
Like any other relationship, it demands understanding. First understand the person before you expect the person to understand you.
Like any other relationship, it grows and matures. The boundaries of a friendship is constantly getting re-defined and re-fined to match your partner’s changes. Sometimes I like to compare this phenomenon with an amoeba or water. They are also constantly modifying their shape without loosing their own identity.
Like a relationship, it is governed by rules of faithfulness, integrity and inner strength. They are our in-built defense mechanism from the vagaries of this world but care should be taken as to not to take them for granted. Friendship is a blessing that does not come with “this process cannot be reversed” tag.
Like a relationship, it definitely includes large doses of love. Friendship is perhaps one of the purest expressions of love for another person. It is to a large extent based on 90% giving and 10% expectations. It is important that you know how to receive as well as give. Just giving is not good and demeans the other person in some way.
Like any other relationship, it demands quality time and attention. The quality is at its best if you can take up with a friend even after years of separation.
It is very difficult to take this thought down in one gulp that friendship is actually a relationship. Most of us have a very narrow view of relationship – it can exist only between a man and a woman. This is also supplemented by the thought - “Ladka-Ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte (Girls and boys can never be just friends)”. Like all concepts, these concepts are also beginning to change and for the good. There is a definite shift in the mentality of today’s generation and its high time that society at large accepts this. The transition process would be slow but the onus is upon us to accept the friendship relationship first. In these times of nuclear families friends attain the distinction of a close relative and we need to recognize the fact… and say Cheers!!!
F – Fruits. Gifts from the Lord for the good done in this janam somewhere and somehow.
R – Rainbow. Colors of good and bad times spend together holding each other tight.
I – Ignition. Simple gestures from them can kickstart your day.
E – Endless. A journey that transcends life itself.
N – Nurture. Nature demands nurturing of friends.
D – Defense. They are our in-built defense mechanism.
We tend to use the term friend very loosely as it is the demand of our times. We land up calling too many people our friend. But if you care to notice then you would have divided your friends. There is a section of people whom you would always party with, share your good times with. They are our “good time friends”. Then there are people to whom we would go to whenever we are in a jam, for advice, for help, for simple plain scolding and often large doses of love and appreciation. These are the people whom I would actually term as a friend and these people are a very tight nucleus around you.
Is friendship then a relationship? I would say yes. It is a relationship by choice and thus is cherished more by the participating people. It is a mutual exploration of the important aspects of life. The relationship starts with a tentative exploration of likes and dislikes. No, let me revise that. The starting point is an attraction and a feeling – let me reach out and get to know a person. In short, the positive vibes between two people draw them to make the first tentative exploration which can convert itself into a life long journey.
Like any other relationship, we nurture it with love, care and pride. Some people are house proud, some are job proud and some are simply proud. I am friend proud. My friends are my “guroor”. The bond is as strong as my “guroor”.
Like any other relationship, it needs space. Every person needs space, freedom of expression and choice. You can’t be somebody’s friend by piling on and expressing your feelings.
Like any other relationship, it demands understanding. First understand the person before you expect the person to understand you.
Like any other relationship, it grows and matures. The boundaries of a friendship is constantly getting re-defined and re-fined to match your partner’s changes. Sometimes I like to compare this phenomenon with an amoeba or water. They are also constantly modifying their shape without loosing their own identity.
Like a relationship, it is governed by rules of faithfulness, integrity and inner strength. They are our in-built defense mechanism from the vagaries of this world but care should be taken as to not to take them for granted. Friendship is a blessing that does not come with “this process cannot be reversed” tag.
Like a relationship, it definitely includes large doses of love. Friendship is perhaps one of the purest expressions of love for another person. It is to a large extent based on 90% giving and 10% expectations. It is important that you know how to receive as well as give. Just giving is not good and demeans the other person in some way.
Like any other relationship, it demands quality time and attention. The quality is at its best if you can take up with a friend even after years of separation.
It is very difficult to take this thought down in one gulp that friendship is actually a relationship. Most of us have a very narrow view of relationship – it can exist only between a man and a woman. This is also supplemented by the thought - “Ladka-Ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte (Girls and boys can never be just friends)”. Like all concepts, these concepts are also beginning to change and for the good. There is a definite shift in the mentality of today’s generation and its high time that society at large accepts this. The transition process would be slow but the onus is upon us to accept the friendship relationship first. In these times of nuclear families friends attain the distinction of a close relative and we need to recognize the fact… and say Cheers!!!
A Long Long Time...
Hi Friends,
It has been a long time since I have written anything for my blogspot. Being busy is no excuse. And I am not going to make any attempt to justify my lack of attention. I can onlypromise that I would write at least one article per week to express my thoughts. You also can agree or disagree with my viewpoint by leaving comments for the article.
So after a long hiatus, I am making a small attempt to understand what a freind stands for. So, the next article is for all of you out there.
It has been a long time since I have written anything for my blogspot. Being busy is no excuse. And I am not going to make any attempt to justify my lack of attention. I can onlypromise that I would write at least one article per week to express my thoughts. You also can agree or disagree with my viewpoint by leaving comments for the article.
So after a long hiatus, I am making a small attempt to understand what a freind stands for. So, the next article is for all of you out there.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Musings on my journey to alleviate self
The subject of this blog is very very wide and I had been struggling for the past couple of days to choose an appropriate topic to start writing about. Then it struck me that the most valuable thing that I can share on this blog is my personal experiences in improving myself. This might motivate someone who is reading this blog to do something about himself/ herself.
One of the biggest pre-requisites for lending out a helping hand to yourself is know yourself. Be honest with yourself about yourself to the point of brutality. Some people think that I have been drastic in doing that but I knew I required something as drastic to improve myself.
I started improving myself by first jotting down my thoughts (to be read as drawbacks) on small pieces of paper which were promptly destroyed. I did as a symbolic gesture which probably indicated that I want to get rid of my bad habits just like that paper.
Since I knew that I had a gigantic task in front of me I had to do it bit by bit. I did not want to get defeated by my own self by taking on too much simultaneously. I then became an observer and listener in order to pick up the changes that I had to make to my behavior. It acheived quite a few things. I became a good observer. I also became a good listener. And by observing and listening enough my sense of judegement took a better and new dimension. The first signs of success in learning by osmosis became evident when I slowly started implementing them in my day-to-day behavior and watched the immediate change in people's response to me. That kept me motivated.
Through the entire journey of alleviating myself there were certain things that became evident and these might be mandatory for all those people who want to learn and grow:
1) Know Yourself
2) Accept and Admit the 'bad' characteristics that you want to change
3) Become an avid reader, listener and observer
4) Have the burning desire to change yourself
5) Have a close friend who can be your constant companion and morale booster through your journey.
6) Last but certainly not the least... have the desire to invest time and effort on your own self.
Once you have these things in place and have the right amount of motivation then the journey become more pleasant and a little less tough.
7) Believe and trust yourself..... You can do it and you will do it.
Have a pleasant journey and a successful life.
One of the biggest pre-requisites for lending out a helping hand to yourself is know yourself. Be honest with yourself about yourself to the point of brutality. Some people think that I have been drastic in doing that but I knew I required something as drastic to improve myself.
I started improving myself by first jotting down my thoughts (to be read as drawbacks) on small pieces of paper which were promptly destroyed. I did as a symbolic gesture which probably indicated that I want to get rid of my bad habits just like that paper.
Since I knew that I had a gigantic task in front of me I had to do it bit by bit. I did not want to get defeated by my own self by taking on too much simultaneously. I then became an observer and listener in order to pick up the changes that I had to make to my behavior. It acheived quite a few things. I became a good observer. I also became a good listener. And by observing and listening enough my sense of judegement took a better and new dimension. The first signs of success in learning by osmosis became evident when I slowly started implementing them in my day-to-day behavior and watched the immediate change in people's response to me. That kept me motivated.
Through the entire journey of alleviating myself there were certain things that became evident and these might be mandatory for all those people who want to learn and grow:
1) Know Yourself
2) Accept and Admit the 'bad' characteristics that you want to change
3) Become an avid reader, listener and observer
4) Have the burning desire to change yourself
5) Have a close friend who can be your constant companion and morale booster through your journey.
6) Last but certainly not the least... have the desire to invest time and effort on your own self.
Once you have these things in place and have the right amount of motivation then the journey become more pleasant and a little less tough.
7) Believe and trust yourself..... You can do it and you will do it.
Have a pleasant journey and a successful life.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Formula for Success...From Inside Out
Since the first word that appears on the description bar is 'Success', I thought it would be a good idea to talk about 'Success' in the first article. How does one define success? Success means to achievement or accomplishment of something. If I go by the meaning of the word, then it does not help me to alleviate myself.
I have been a late starter in life. I have done everything late...I started walking at the age of 1.2 years and started talking at almost 2 years of age. It is therefore not surprising that 'success' in life came late to me. I have always dreamt of a good career in my choosen field and I have struggled for 11 years to accomplish that. Did I term it as success when I got a good job? - Yes. Was I HAPPY/SATISFIED with my achievement? - No.
There is no yardstick for success - to say that achieving such and such thing would bring success to me and make me happy. If one achieves the first milestone, then he/she would have another milestone to attain; does the person find happiness ever, is he/she ever satisfied???
Through the months I have learnt that success cannot be quantified. Sucess is the way you look at things, in other words....success is defined by your attitude. Till very recently my formula for success looked something like this:
Having + Doing + Being = Success ... from Outside In
That is what most of the people do. One of my acquiantances said that he would work very hard till the age of 35-40, earn enough money to keep him and his family in luxury and then quit his job by 40 and finally get a life for himself. He has done everything to achieve this but somewhere there still lurks a feeling of dis-satisfaction and lack of meaning.
Many people have their priorities upside down. They can't get past the 'Having' stage and go to the 'Being' stage because they feel that they do not have enough yet. They think that what defines their success is how much money they have, the property they own, the things they possess. We would be happier if we could modify our attitude and modify the formula for success as:
Being + Doing + Having = Success...from Inside Out
Being: Be YOURSELF by knowing who you really are, knowing what's important to you. You should know what you do best and what makes you unique as a person. This introspection and clarity helps achieve the next step.
Doing: Do those things you do best and want to do. Utilize the gifts and talents you have in a way to help others. Touch the lives of the people in meaningful ways. This helps you acieve the next stage.
Having: Having a life is more important than having a lifestyle. A life oriented around doing whatever is important to you. A life spent with loved ones. A life with financial rewards for doing loved things.
Most of us are either doing things Outside In or are only halfway to doing things Inside Out. If you are following the Outside In formula then you would need a major shift in priorities to FEEL success. If you are half way through to following Inside Out then just a minor adjustment in priorities is all that is necessary.
So, success is what you perceive to be and not what other's perceive it to be because nobody can know you better than you.
PS: Most of this article has been picked up from the book "52 Ways of Living Success". Thanks to the author for changing my viewpoint which has helped me to help to help influence the reader's viewpoint too.
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