Listening is a fine art... Cultivate It

Another ingredient which is mandatory for the recipe of being a success in life is Listening. I have not been a good listener for a very long time and have made quite a few blunders in my professional and personal life because of this disgusting habit. Appreciation of this art had been compelling me to write about the skill for a long time but for once I did not know how to put my thoughts across in a clear and concise manner. As luck would have it I hit upon an article written by Craig Harrison which outlines the importance of cultivating the art. Here it is....

“So much attention is focused on what to say and how to say it. In speeches, debates and conversation, we are obsessed with our message and how to express ourselves.

Sometimes, this focus obscures our listening. This month we focus on listening skills as key to our success as communicators, leaders, servers and as human beings. Any discussion on the importance of listening -- vis-à-vis speaking -- should acknowledge the fact that we were born with two ears and just one mouth. The implication: we should listen twice as much as we speak!

Believe it or not, Listening is a learned skill. While we are blessed with ears to hear with, listening is more than just hearing. Listening involves an active engagement. By definition Listening means: "applying oneself to hearing something"

DID YOU KNOW...? Here are some facts about listening, courtesy of colleague Louisa Rogers, Louisa Rogers Communications, in Eureka, CA mailto:louisarogers7@yahoo.com:

1. All communication is received ... but 70-90% of the data is screened out or altered by the receiver. So what you say is NOT necessarily what the listener gets.

2. Listening is (incorrectly) not perceived as powerful by most people.

3. We have a strong cultural tendency to tune out. Our minds go forward (What do I say next? How do I defend myself? What shall I have for lunch?), or in reverse (Did I turn the car lights off? Did I get an e-mail back from...?).

4. Rates of speaking / listening: We listen at 1,000-1,200 words a minute. We speak at 300 words a minute. Thus, our minds wander.

Based on Louisa's findings I believe the following:

where there's a will, there are ways to become a better listener. DON'T JUST DO SOMETHING...LISTEN! Alas, we can become better listeners once we set our mind and ears to it.

1. Vow to become a better listener.

2. Monitor your own listening: where do you follow the speaker and where do you tune out? Analyze for yourself why it is you tune out where you do.

3. Suspend judgment when you listen, focusing instead on comprehension. Many times we immerse ourselves in our own analysis of what is heard: do I agree or disagree? Focus instead on comprehension.

4. Listen for the meta-message: the message within the message. Sometimes what people AREN'T saying is also insightful. Listen between the lines.

5. Become an Active Listener: listen with your ears, mind, head and heart. Concentrate on listening as if you will be tested on what this person has said and need to share it with a class of strangers. Can you do it?

6. Active listening involves not only following along with the speaker, but letting him or her know you are tracking their message. Use nods, gestures and utterances to convey comprehension or confusion, so they receive feedback you are with them, or not. A furrowed brow, a tilt of the head or squinting signals to them you are confused. A nod, a smile or other gestures indicates understanding.

7. Remember that confirming understanding doesn't imply concordance. Confirming your comprehension of one's communication doesn't automatically mean you agree with everything.

8. Short phrases are useful to your listener. Saying "I see" "yep" "uh-huh!" "hmmm" conveys understanding. Phrases like "huh?" "I'm not sure I understand" "what do you mean?" "please elucidate" let the listener know you are hazy about their meaning.

9. A great way to confirm for your listener and yourself that you understand is to periodically paraphrase or replay what you believe you heard. It's a reality check that allows you both to continue with confidence.

Whether you are brokering peace in the Middle East or a squabble with a family member at the dinner table, I find wisdom in Steven Covey's proscription to "seek first to understand, then to be understood."

So hang out your "Hear Here" sign, follow this sound advice and listen for success!”

Overcoming Negative Attitude

In the various posts in this blog it has been repeatedly pointed out that attitude towards life makes all the difference between being successful and un-successful. So I thought it good to pen down some of my thoughts on attitude starting with how you recognize whether the attitude that you show is a positive one or a negative one.

Knowing and accepting that you have a negative attitude is a tough task. All of us are very conditioned to the kind of attitude that we display towards various situations in life. We take it for granted that it is ‘the’ positive thing to do. Our attitude is a skin that we wear which has been stitched by our peers, family, culture and tradition. So identifying that we have things that we can change within our own self to lead a better life is not easy. The only way one can do it is when one is exposed to a different attitude altogether. All you need to do is appreciate a good attitude when you see it, recognize the fact that you need to change your own attitude, and be open to change it.

There are many things that characterize a negative behavior like inability to take responsibility of one’s own action; blaming others when things go wrong; procrastination; inability to deal with stress; inability to deal with situations conclusively; having a complaining nature; negative thinking; self pity; depression etc. One of the best gifts that you can give your own-self is to recognize the truth about the kind of attitude that you have and be willing to change it.

People with positive attitude are happier, more contented, have a solution to any challenge that they face, generally lead a more fulfilling professional and personal life, are great doers and thinkers; have the ability to take a lot of responsibility for situations in life and lead them to a fruitful conclusion. Merely by the attitude that they adopt they cut out the stress not only for themselves but also for others who are associated with them.

One of the easiest things that you can follow is to stop negative self talk. Negative self talk becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and the world acts according to the negative image that you project to the world.

Another one is to recognize and avoid negative situations and persons. It might prove to be a challenge to turn a negative situation into a positive one to suit your own changing outlook towards life. But it might not be easy to change individuals whom you pinpoint as negative people….remember you have had first hand experience in identifying negative characteristics in you own self. Extend the same analysis to others to enable you to take corrective action and avoid stressful situation.

Avoiding stressful situation comes as a bonus when you avoid negative people. Eliminating or minimizing stress from a situation automatically enables you to deal with the situation in a better manner and arrive at a conclusive result.

Once you have taken the responsibility to change you own attitude, taking responsibility of other situations on your life and your behavior towards them is a natural progression. It only takes a little time and effort from your side.

The above things that I have discussed have been tried out first hand on my own self and have achieved very good results. I would be happy if my experiences in life contribute a little towards making your life a little happier or contented.

Best of Luck!!!!!

Simplicity and Humility - Best friends of Success

Through personal experiences I have found that Success is more meaningful if it goes hand in hand with simplicity and humility. Being successful leads to confidence in self but if it is without the humility factor then it is arrogance. Humility does not mean demeaning oneself through actions or words but it is a quiet acceptance of the success achieved.It is also arguably true that it is important to blow your own trumpet to highlight your achevemnets to make others sit up and notice. This is unfortunately a repeated activity as it has a short lifespan. Letting others blow your trumpet makes sure that the sound is carried far and for long.
Humility is often clubbed up with simplicity. Simplicity is a very sujective term. How much simple makes up for the simplicity factor? The President of a country can lead a simple life, so can a commoner but the quantum of simplicity is varied. Let me restrict myself to define simplicity in terms of action and behaviour. In short, simplicity does not mean that one is a simpleton, although the person is very popularly called just that.
Most people have a tendency to ride very very high on the small success that they achieve. I knew a Manager once who was on his first job. He was out canvasing for some courses offered by an Educational Institute with 2 more co-workers, junior in positon than him. They were supposed to stick posters on the walls and hand pamphlets to the passers by. He stood at a little distance and did not participate in the activity at all. The reason was that he was an MBA and it was below his dignity to do something like that. This behaviour earned him a lot of disrespect from his co-workers and a lot of ribbing. Active participation would have had the opposite effect. It made me wonder what they person was thinking about;an educational degree does not gaurantee any respect or responsibility delegation. In fact education contributes to only 15% of the entire success story of life. The rest 85% is just attitude.
In contrast to this, I had an oppurtunity to work under another manager with 10 years of experience who would help carry equipment from one place to another alongside the peons and guards without a thought and go down on his hands and feet to make sure that all the connections are properly made. This characteristic made him one of the most economical person around. Whenever we need to go somewhere, then he would simply load all the equipment in his vechicle and the two of us would set off, sure that we could be able to carry the entire load ourselves if we did not get any help. This fact also made us more reliable and more work got delegated to us by the OEMs. When the people at the OEM level were still grappling with the beginings of Plan B of a project in case of failure of Plan A, we were delegated the entire work by their Regional Head and we successfully executed Plan B in 15 hours.This reflects simplicity of our actions as we were doing the 'menial jobs of peons, porters and guards'. This simplicity reflects our humility because we did not put our professional positions before us and worked just to get the things done without much hassle. Is it really downgrading of self or is it making the people standing around realize the dignity of labour? We have often found people stepping up to us to help us after we have initiated the process.
Being humble is one of the cornerstones of achieving and maintaining your success. Most people make the mistake of thinking that it is easy to push around people who are simple and humble. They dont stop taking advantage of the fact, forgetting one thing that the doer learns the fastest and the best. It expands the bag of experiences further. And ultimately this would help us to push ahead of the crowd.
This journey of life has made me respect these two qualities so much that I never think of even swapping them with any other quality. I wont say that success is complete because achieving one success makes you hungry for yet another success. The process is an ongoing one. There is no greater attraction than a successful person. Humility keeps you popular and Arrogance ultimately alienates you. Is it easy being successful and arrogant - probably yes. Is it easy being successful and humble - definately yes; you just got to try. As I always maintain, your attitude make all the difference.

Formula for Success...From Inside Out

Since the first word that appears on the description bar is 'Success', I thought it would be a good idea to talk about 'Success' in the first article. How does one define success? Success means to achievement or accomplishment of something. If I go by the meaning of the word, then it does not help me to alleviate myself.

I have been a late starter in life. I have done everything late...I started walking at the age of 1.2 years and started talking at almost 2 years of age. It is therefore not surprising that 'success' in life came late to me. I have always dreamt of a good career in my choosen field and I have struggled for 11 years to accomplish that. Did I term it as success when I got a good job? - Yes. Was I HAPPY/SATISFIED with my achievement? - No.

There is no yardstick for success - to say that achieving such and such thing would bring success to me and make me happy. If one achieves the first milestone, then he/she would have another milestone to attain; does the person find happiness ever, is he/she ever satisfied???

Through the months I have learnt that success cannot be quantified. Sucess is the way you look at things, in other words....success is defined by your attitude. Till very recently my formula for success looked something like this:

Having + Doing + Being = Success ... from Outside In

That is what most of the people do. One of my acquiantances said that he would work very hard till the age of 35-40, earn enough money to keep him and his family in luxury and then quit his job by 40 and finally get a life for himself. He has done everything to achieve this but somewhere there still lurks a feeling of dis-satisfaction and lack of meaning.

Many people have their priorities upside down. They can't get past the 'Having' stage and go to the 'Being' stage because they feel that they do not have enough yet. They think that what defines their success is how much money they have, the property they own, the things they possess. We would be happier if we could modify our attitude and modify the formula for success as:

Being + Doing + Having = Success...from Inside Out

Being: Be YOURSELF by knowing who you really are, knowing what's important to you. You should know what you do best and what makes you unique as a person. This introspection and clarity helps achieve the next step.

Doing: Do those things you do best and want to do. Utilize the gifts and talents you have in a way to help others. Touch the lives of the people in meaningful ways. This helps you acieve the next stage.

Having: Having a life is more important than having a lifestyle. A life oriented around doing whatever is important to you. A life spent with loved ones. A life with financial rewards for doing loved things.

Most of us are either doing things Outside In or are only halfway to doing things Inside Out. If you are following the Outside In formula then you would need a major shift in priorities to FEEL success. If you are half way through to following Inside Out then just a minor adjustment in priorities is all that is necessary.

So, success is what you perceive to be and not what other's perceive it to be because nobody can know you better than you.

PS: Most of this article has been picked up from the book "52 Ways of Living Success". Thanks to the author for changing my viewpoint which has helped me to help to help influence the reader's viewpoint too.