I was reading a random article on the internet on positive thinking/ positive attitude. One of the points that really struck me was that the author had stated in plain emphatic words one of the facts that I have ingrained as a part on my personality through the years.
One of the points mentioned by the author was that language determines your destiny. I would like to quote the author here since it has held so true in my journey:
“Your Language Determines Your Destiny. Make sure that your thoughts and words are positive. The language you use, whether spoken or not must be positive. People don't know what you're thinking but this doesn't give you permission to be inconsistent. Line up your thoughts and words with the kind of person you want to be. The language you use can either build you up or psych you out. Any negative statement can be reframed in a more positive manner. Watch out for statements that predict negative outcomes.”
It is like saying whether the glass is half empty or whether it is half full. In this context the word empty denotes negativity whereas the word full denotes positivism. Just to illustrate it a little further – instead of saying “The way you have done it is wrong. The desired objective has not been achieved.” try saying “The way you have done it has achieved some results but if we could possibly do it this way then the results would be achieved completely and speedily because of the following reasons…….” . The latter statement does not question the competence of the other person but conveys very firmly that you are not happy about the way the work has been handled and you also guide him to the correct manner by using influence instead of authority. In short, you show him the respect and he will return it…. simple.
I have tried using the latter approach in all my communications ever since and have judged for myself the change in the attitude that people have towards me. And I can gleefully state that IT WORKS. For centuries it has been said that the word is mightier than the sword. It certainly holds very true to become an emotionally intelligent positive individual. The spoken word is more powerful than the written word is as the spoken word is underlined/ enhanced by the use of body language and tone of voice. Learning a language is a power that you can equip yourself with but knowing how to use it is the key which differentiates you as a positive or a negative person.
Schooling yourself to use words in a definite form reflects your personality and allows you to achieve goals and ultimately contentment. One of the tips that can be used to school oneself into framing a positive line of thoughtful words is as follows (quoting the author again here):
“Look For The Good In Everyone You Meet And In Every Situation You Find Yourself In. I know it is harder to see in some people and in some situations but everyone has their good points and so will every situation.”
This helps. Try it out and see. It will also increase the sense of contentment and achievement that one feels.
So while building a positive attitude… mind your language.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
A Relationship called Friendship.
FRIEND for me is an acronym which means:
F – Fruits. Gifts from the Lord for the good done in this janam somewhere and somehow.
R – Rainbow. Colors of good and bad times spend together holding each other tight.
I – Ignition. Simple gestures from them can kickstart your day.
E – Endless. A journey that transcends life itself.
N – Nurture. Nature demands nurturing of friends.
D – Defense. They are our in-built defense mechanism.
We tend to use the term friend very loosely as it is the demand of our times. We land up calling too many people our friend. But if you care to notice then you would have divided your friends. There is a section of people whom you would always party with, share your good times with. They are our “good time friends”. Then there are people to whom we would go to whenever we are in a jam, for advice, for help, for simple plain scolding and often large doses of love and appreciation. These are the people whom I would actually term as a friend and these people are a very tight nucleus around you.
Is friendship then a relationship? I would say yes. It is a relationship by choice and thus is cherished more by the participating people. It is a mutual exploration of the important aspects of life. The relationship starts with a tentative exploration of likes and dislikes. No, let me revise that. The starting point is an attraction and a feeling – let me reach out and get to know a person. In short, the positive vibes between two people draw them to make the first tentative exploration which can convert itself into a life long journey.
Like any other relationship, we nurture it with love, care and pride. Some people are house proud, some are job proud and some are simply proud. I am friend proud. My friends are my “guroor”. The bond is as strong as my “guroor”.
Like any other relationship, it needs space. Every person needs space, freedom of expression and choice. You can’t be somebody’s friend by piling on and expressing your feelings.
Like any other relationship, it demands understanding. First understand the person before you expect the person to understand you.
Like any other relationship, it grows and matures. The boundaries of a friendship is constantly getting re-defined and re-fined to match your partner’s changes. Sometimes I like to compare this phenomenon with an amoeba or water. They are also constantly modifying their shape without loosing their own identity.
Like a relationship, it is governed by rules of faithfulness, integrity and inner strength. They are our in-built defense mechanism from the vagaries of this world but care should be taken as to not to take them for granted. Friendship is a blessing that does not come with “this process cannot be reversed” tag.
Like a relationship, it definitely includes large doses of love. Friendship is perhaps one of the purest expressions of love for another person. It is to a large extent based on 90% giving and 10% expectations. It is important that you know how to receive as well as give. Just giving is not good and demeans the other person in some way.
Like any other relationship, it demands quality time and attention. The quality is at its best if you can take up with a friend even after years of separation.
It is very difficult to take this thought down in one gulp that friendship is actually a relationship. Most of us have a very narrow view of relationship – it can exist only between a man and a woman. This is also supplemented by the thought - “Ladka-Ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte (Girls and boys can never be just friends)”. Like all concepts, these concepts are also beginning to change and for the good. There is a definite shift in the mentality of today’s generation and its high time that society at large accepts this. The transition process would be slow but the onus is upon us to accept the friendship relationship first. In these times of nuclear families friends attain the distinction of a close relative and we need to recognize the fact… and say Cheers!!!
F – Fruits. Gifts from the Lord for the good done in this janam somewhere and somehow.
R – Rainbow. Colors of good and bad times spend together holding each other tight.
I – Ignition. Simple gestures from them can kickstart your day.
E – Endless. A journey that transcends life itself.
N – Nurture. Nature demands nurturing of friends.
D – Defense. They are our in-built defense mechanism.
We tend to use the term friend very loosely as it is the demand of our times. We land up calling too many people our friend. But if you care to notice then you would have divided your friends. There is a section of people whom you would always party with, share your good times with. They are our “good time friends”. Then there are people to whom we would go to whenever we are in a jam, for advice, for help, for simple plain scolding and often large doses of love and appreciation. These are the people whom I would actually term as a friend and these people are a very tight nucleus around you.
Is friendship then a relationship? I would say yes. It is a relationship by choice and thus is cherished more by the participating people. It is a mutual exploration of the important aspects of life. The relationship starts with a tentative exploration of likes and dislikes. No, let me revise that. The starting point is an attraction and a feeling – let me reach out and get to know a person. In short, the positive vibes between two people draw them to make the first tentative exploration which can convert itself into a life long journey.
Like any other relationship, we nurture it with love, care and pride. Some people are house proud, some are job proud and some are simply proud. I am friend proud. My friends are my “guroor”. The bond is as strong as my “guroor”.
Like any other relationship, it needs space. Every person needs space, freedom of expression and choice. You can’t be somebody’s friend by piling on and expressing your feelings.
Like any other relationship, it demands understanding. First understand the person before you expect the person to understand you.
Like any other relationship, it grows and matures. The boundaries of a friendship is constantly getting re-defined and re-fined to match your partner’s changes. Sometimes I like to compare this phenomenon with an amoeba or water. They are also constantly modifying their shape without loosing their own identity.
Like a relationship, it is governed by rules of faithfulness, integrity and inner strength. They are our in-built defense mechanism from the vagaries of this world but care should be taken as to not to take them for granted. Friendship is a blessing that does not come with “this process cannot be reversed” tag.
Like a relationship, it definitely includes large doses of love. Friendship is perhaps one of the purest expressions of love for another person. It is to a large extent based on 90% giving and 10% expectations. It is important that you know how to receive as well as give. Just giving is not good and demeans the other person in some way.
Like any other relationship, it demands quality time and attention. The quality is at its best if you can take up with a friend even after years of separation.
It is very difficult to take this thought down in one gulp that friendship is actually a relationship. Most of us have a very narrow view of relationship – it can exist only between a man and a woman. This is also supplemented by the thought - “Ladka-Ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte (Girls and boys can never be just friends)”. Like all concepts, these concepts are also beginning to change and for the good. There is a definite shift in the mentality of today’s generation and its high time that society at large accepts this. The transition process would be slow but the onus is upon us to accept the friendship relationship first. In these times of nuclear families friends attain the distinction of a close relative and we need to recognize the fact… and say Cheers!!!
A Long Long Time...
Hi Friends,
It has been a long time since I have written anything for my blogspot. Being busy is no excuse. And I am not going to make any attempt to justify my lack of attention. I can onlypromise that I would write at least one article per week to express my thoughts. You also can agree or disagree with my viewpoint by leaving comments for the article.
So after a long hiatus, I am making a small attempt to understand what a freind stands for. So, the next article is for all of you out there.
It has been a long time since I have written anything for my blogspot. Being busy is no excuse. And I am not going to make any attempt to justify my lack of attention. I can onlypromise that I would write at least one article per week to express my thoughts. You also can agree or disagree with my viewpoint by leaving comments for the article.
So after a long hiatus, I am making a small attempt to understand what a freind stands for. So, the next article is for all of you out there.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Musings on my journey to alleviate self
The subject of this blog is very very wide and I had been struggling for the past couple of days to choose an appropriate topic to start writing about. Then it struck me that the most valuable thing that I can share on this blog is my personal experiences in improving myself. This might motivate someone who is reading this blog to do something about himself/ herself.
One of the biggest pre-requisites for lending out a helping hand to yourself is know yourself. Be honest with yourself about yourself to the point of brutality. Some people think that I have been drastic in doing that but I knew I required something as drastic to improve myself.
I started improving myself by first jotting down my thoughts (to be read as drawbacks) on small pieces of paper which were promptly destroyed. I did as a symbolic gesture which probably indicated that I want to get rid of my bad habits just like that paper.
Since I knew that I had a gigantic task in front of me I had to do it bit by bit. I did not want to get defeated by my own self by taking on too much simultaneously. I then became an observer and listener in order to pick up the changes that I had to make to my behavior. It acheived quite a few things. I became a good observer. I also became a good listener. And by observing and listening enough my sense of judegement took a better and new dimension. The first signs of success in learning by osmosis became evident when I slowly started implementing them in my day-to-day behavior and watched the immediate change in people's response to me. That kept me motivated.
Through the entire journey of alleviating myself there were certain things that became evident and these might be mandatory for all those people who want to learn and grow:
1) Know Yourself
2) Accept and Admit the 'bad' characteristics that you want to change
3) Become an avid reader, listener and observer
4) Have the burning desire to change yourself
5) Have a close friend who can be your constant companion and morale booster through your journey.
6) Last but certainly not the least... have the desire to invest time and effort on your own self.
Once you have these things in place and have the right amount of motivation then the journey become more pleasant and a little less tough.
7) Believe and trust yourself..... You can do it and you will do it.
Have a pleasant journey and a successful life.
One of the biggest pre-requisites for lending out a helping hand to yourself is know yourself. Be honest with yourself about yourself to the point of brutality. Some people think that I have been drastic in doing that but I knew I required something as drastic to improve myself.
I started improving myself by first jotting down my thoughts (to be read as drawbacks) on small pieces of paper which were promptly destroyed. I did as a symbolic gesture which probably indicated that I want to get rid of my bad habits just like that paper.
Since I knew that I had a gigantic task in front of me I had to do it bit by bit. I did not want to get defeated by my own self by taking on too much simultaneously. I then became an observer and listener in order to pick up the changes that I had to make to my behavior. It acheived quite a few things. I became a good observer. I also became a good listener. And by observing and listening enough my sense of judegement took a better and new dimension. The first signs of success in learning by osmosis became evident when I slowly started implementing them in my day-to-day behavior and watched the immediate change in people's response to me. That kept me motivated.
Through the entire journey of alleviating myself there were certain things that became evident and these might be mandatory for all those people who want to learn and grow:
1) Know Yourself
2) Accept and Admit the 'bad' characteristics that you want to change
3) Become an avid reader, listener and observer
4) Have the burning desire to change yourself
5) Have a close friend who can be your constant companion and morale booster through your journey.
6) Last but certainly not the least... have the desire to invest time and effort on your own self.
Once you have these things in place and have the right amount of motivation then the journey become more pleasant and a little less tough.
7) Believe and trust yourself..... You can do it and you will do it.
Have a pleasant journey and a successful life.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Formula for Success...From Inside Out
Since the first word that appears on the description bar is 'Success', I thought it would be a good idea to talk about 'Success' in the first article. How does one define success? Success means to achievement or accomplishment of something. If I go by the meaning of the word, then it does not help me to alleviate myself.
I have been a late starter in life. I have done everything late...I started walking at the age of 1.2 years and started talking at almost 2 years of age. It is therefore not surprising that 'success' in life came late to me. I have always dreamt of a good career in my choosen field and I have struggled for 11 years to accomplish that. Did I term it as success when I got a good job? - Yes. Was I HAPPY/SATISFIED with my achievement? - No.
There is no yardstick for success - to say that achieving such and such thing would bring success to me and make me happy. If one achieves the first milestone, then he/she would have another milestone to attain; does the person find happiness ever, is he/she ever satisfied???
Through the months I have learnt that success cannot be quantified. Sucess is the way you look at things, in other words....success is defined by your attitude. Till very recently my formula for success looked something like this:
Having + Doing + Being = Success ... from Outside In
That is what most of the people do. One of my acquiantances said that he would work very hard till the age of 35-40, earn enough money to keep him and his family in luxury and then quit his job by 40 and finally get a life for himself. He has done everything to achieve this but somewhere there still lurks a feeling of dis-satisfaction and lack of meaning.
Many people have their priorities upside down. They can't get past the 'Having' stage and go to the 'Being' stage because they feel that they do not have enough yet. They think that what defines their success is how much money they have, the property they own, the things they possess. We would be happier if we could modify our attitude and modify the formula for success as:
Being + Doing + Having = Success...from Inside Out
Being: Be YOURSELF by knowing who you really are, knowing what's important to you. You should know what you do best and what makes you unique as a person. This introspection and clarity helps achieve the next step.
Doing: Do those things you do best and want to do. Utilize the gifts and talents you have in a way to help others. Touch the lives of the people in meaningful ways. This helps you acieve the next stage.
Having: Having a life is more important than having a lifestyle. A life oriented around doing whatever is important to you. A life spent with loved ones. A life with financial rewards for doing loved things.
Most of us are either doing things Outside In or are only halfway to doing things Inside Out. If you are following the Outside In formula then you would need a major shift in priorities to FEEL success. If you are half way through to following Inside Out then just a minor adjustment in priorities is all that is necessary.
So, success is what you perceive to be and not what other's perceive it to be because nobody can know you better than you.
PS: Most of this article has been picked up from the book "52 Ways of Living Success". Thanks to the author for changing my viewpoint which has helped me to help to help influence the reader's viewpoint too.
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